Love languages, a concept popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book "The 5 Love Languages," refer to the different ways individuals express and experience love. According to Chapman, there are five primary love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each person has a primary and sometimes secondary love language, which dictates how they prefer to give and receive love from others.
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These love languages provide valuable insights into understanding and strengthening relationships, as they emphasize the importance of expressing affection in ways that resonate most deeply with the other person/being.

While initially applied to human relationships, I believe the concept can also be applied to how we show love and affection in our relationships with our pups! Understanding this not only strengthens the bond between you but also helps maintain a healthy and happy relationship long term, something referred to as building social currency. 

In this post, I want to help you explore the same five Love Languages and how they may be spoken or received by your dog so you can determine which ones your dog values most.

Physical Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Gifts. 

By understanding these, you can ensure a more fulfilling and rewarding relationship with your family pup.

Just like in people, or even more so, it's important to remember that dogs are very contextual. This means that while your dog may appreciate a specific type of reward or showing of affection in one context (such as indoors with low distraction and under low arousal), he may not see that same type of affection as rewarding in another context (outside, when distracted, or under higher arousal situations.). To give you a human example, my 9 year old son loves to cuddle with me at home and gives out all the free hugs but when out in public or when feeling social pressure by others, he may see a hug as more "punishing" or embarrassing. 

This can be the case with our dogs too. We may have dogs at home who love to cuddle but when under social pressure or distracted, they may not feel that physical touch is rewarding in that context.

Let's dig in and go through some examples:

Listen, above all else - the most important thing you can do for your dog is provide safety and security in your relationship and in their environment. This may mean doing all of the above anytime but more likely, it means picking and choosing based on context. The more you can tune in to your dog, the more you will understand their needs and put money in the relationship bank. Aim for more deposits than withdrawals and you'll be well on your way to great things with your pup.

And if you need more guidance on how to better your relationship, how to tweak your days so that you are putting more deposits in, how to build resilience, and work through problems, then I invite you to the Virtual Membership where we talk about all of that and much more! 

Which traits do you find most endearing and which are the hardest to live with?

To preparation for life's challenges: Just like people, dogs encounter various challenges throughout their lives, from changes in their environment to unexpected events. By be pro-active in resilience conditioning exercises, dogs can develop the necessary skills to cope with these challenges more effectively and with less acute or chronic stress.

To prepare for the unpredictability of life: Life is unpredictable, and dogs are often exposed to situations beyond their control, as much as we try to protect them and keep it from happening. Whether it's loud noises, unfamiliar environments, or sudden changes in routine, resilience conditioning helps dogs adapt to these unpredictable circumstances in a more general way. We can't prepare for everything so rather than feeling like we need to walk our dogs through conditioning to them to every little trigger they may encounter, we can create more flexibility and resilience in them to handle the unexpected. 

To minimization chronic stress: Chronic stress can have detrimental effects on a dog's physical and mental well-being. By proactively training for resilience, dogs learn to manage individual stressors more efficiently, reducing the likelihood of more chronic or long-term issues.

To achieve better mental health: Just as physical exercise is essential for a dog's physical health, resilience conditioning is crucial for their mental health. It strengthens their psychological resilience, enabling them to bounce back from thos eunexpected setbacks and learn how to complete their stress cycle.

Building trust: Pro-actively engaging in resilience conditioning activities, such as training exercises and proper socialization, fosters a strong bond of trust between dogs and their people. This serves as a foundation of social support during challenging times, further enhancing the dog's resilience.

As Dr Kathy Murphy and Bobbie Bhambree so eloquently outline in their Resilience Rainbow model, there are 7 domains of focus when conditioning resilience:

1. ​Physical and Mental Well-Being
   
2. Predictability
   
3. Safety & Security
   
4. Social Support
   
5. Decompression
   
6. Completing the Stress Cycle
   
7. Agency

Within each of those domains are games and skills that can be taught and focused on in order to condition resilience. Many skills actually live within multiple domains, which is a nice perk for those who don't have all day, every day to work on this with their dogs (insert winking face here). The good news is that no matter what age, breed, or level or resilience your dog is currently at, there is always room for improvement and growth. 

Wondering how resilient your dog is now?
Head over to take the 10 question quiz to give you insight on that very question! 

Join the brand new course where I break down a pre-recorded webinar into bite-sized pieces to digest and refer back to whenever you need to. That's a great place to start!

Think about your daily life. How many patterns can you recognize throughout your day? 
Your bedtime routine, the side of the bed you sleep on, your wake-up routine, how you get your kids ready for school or how you get ready for work, your shower routine, how you brush your teeth, how you tie your shoes, the route you take to work... Patterns are powerful and they offer our brain a chance to not have to process what is going to happen next. They offer predictability and therefore a feeling of safety and security.

The same is true for our dogs. 

​Let me explain...

​These examples are only a small sampling of their daily patterns. But no matter what patterns your dog has created, they offer them a sense of safety and stability in knowing what to expect.

Consider the dog who always barks at the mailman. We call this mailman syndrome and it's very predictable. The mail(person) comes to deliver mail - leaves.

Now insert the barking dog. The mail(person comes) to deliver mail - dog barks until... - mail(person) leaves. 
According to the dog, this might be a necessary routine. After all, who else is going to scare off the intruder? 

But what if we created a different routine?
What if... when the mail person comes, the dog barks - lets us know they are there, we call them to a spot in the kitchen where a treat is deposited. Mailman leaves. 

Are we rewarding the barking? Maybe
Are we rewarding them for coming to the spot in the kitchen? Absolutely.
Will it lessen the barking? It absolutely should.
Is it always that easy? No. But it's an idea and a pattern your dog can begin to rely on.

That's just one common example.

Trainer Leslie McDevitt has created Pattern Games in her Control Unleashed Program.

I would like to talk a little bit about why I love these games within the context of changing behavior and acclimating a dog to a trigger in a patterned way.

Watch the following video to see how Phoebe works on her overreaction to a leash being picked up and handles having her collar go on, within the context of the Side to Side Pattern.

Come on in to the Miss Behavior Membership where you'll learn about the Side to Side Pattern and so many more. Get the support you're looking for in raising your family dog. 

Visit MissBehaviorTraining.com/membership to learn more and sign up!

Ever work with your dog, feel like you're making good momentum, and then get STUCK somewhere in the process? Me too. In this blog post, I'm going to share some pro tips with you to help you assess what might be going on and how to start making progress again

Let's look at the 4 different ways you can EVAL where things are not working...

Before we jump in, I do want to stress the importance of having your Veterinarian on board and aware of any sudden behavior changes in your dog. More often than not, sudden changes are linked to underlying medical issues that show up in our dog's behavior before showing up through physical means. 
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That being said, assuming that your dog has had a Veterinary check-up and was cleared, sometimes the only way to determine whether to go down the road of further testing is by trying to shift the behavior plans to see if that brings further progress.

So let's take a look at the EVAL Process...

What is Enrichment?
Enrichment is more than just play and food— it's a way of meeting your dog's physical, mental, and emotional needs so they can feel more like... well... a dog. It's about engaging their natural instincts, providing mental stimulation, and creating an environment that fosters joy and curiosity.

The Benefits of Canine Enrichment:

• Mental Stimulation: Just like us, dogs need mental workouts on a regular basis. Enrichment activities challenge them, helping to keep them sharp, focused, and engaged.
• Physical Exercise: Enrichment is a fantastic way to keep pups physically active, ensuring they get the exercise they need to keep those good endorphins flowing!
• Emotional Well-being: Enrichment promotes positive emotional experiences, reducing stress and anxiety.

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Think about things you might enjoy doing, hobbies that make you feel more happy and relaxed. I personally enjoy doing puzzles. That meets my needs much better than doom scrolling Facebook might. Either activity may provide some form of enrichment but one is likely meeting my needs a bit better than the other.

One important thing to remember is that it doesn't count as enrichment if it doesn't meet YOUR dog's need and desire. That means that what might be enriching for one dog may not be for another. For that reason, I put together some Boredom Buster enrichment games that will likely meet the majority of dogs' needs out there! They're easy, fun, and engaging for most.

Why games like "Boredom Busters" matter: Dogs, like us, thrive on variety and novelty. Boredom can lead to unwanted behaviors, from excessive barking to destructive chewing. Boredom busters not only keep your dog entertained but also strengthen the bond between you and your furry family member.
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Check out Volume 1: Explore a variety of printable activity cards, from DIY ice toys perfect for summer to holiday-themed paper roll treat unwrapping. Whether you're looking for indoor adventures or frozen delights, the first volume of boredom busters caters to all seasons and preferences. Grab the full set here

In case you only counted 14, there is also a hidden bonus one in the full download

1. Hide kibble (and maybe the occasional treat) in different spots around the room. Change difficulty, depending on your dog's skill level.
2. Tell your dog to "Find It" and let him use his nose to his heart's content!

Pro-Tips: Keep tabs on where you put the food, especially if you choose something that can spoil. Help guide your dog if needed!

When expecting visitors, it's important to have a way to prevent problem-behaviors from occurring. When your dog wears a leash in the house, you have a better ability to manage unwanted behaviors, like jumping on guests, getting too close to the table, or exploring areas they shouldn't.

If you have a dog who gets really excited when the leash goes on, it would probably be a good idea to go out for a little walk after the leash goes on. Then, when you go inside, just leave the leash on. This way, the dog goes through the predictable leash-on pattern and you are able to leave it on when you return to the house.

For dogs who need some extra management but don't need to be completely removed... gates, crates, or tethers can really come in handy! 

Sometimes we have those really well-intentioned family members who "don't mind our dogs jumping" or who can't read body language effectively, in order to prevent jumping or hyper-arousal. In those case, it's a really great idea to have an extra layer of management beyond just a leash being on. You may also want to pick and choose times when your dog should be gated vs free or crated vs tethered. 
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Caution: If your dog is tethered, people should not be allowed to approach. This is a set-up for failure. A dog who feels trapped is much more likely to snap or bite. 

Prepare a Kong or other food toy in advance and put it in the freezer so your pup has his own feast to enjoy when everyone sits down to eat.

The last thing you'll want to do when sitting down for your hot meal is have to continually manage your dog. Being pro-active means getting ahead of a possible problem.

So, when it comes to mealtime, there are really only two proactive options. The first is to give your dog a treat toy if he'll stay occupied that way or the other is to give your dog a treat toy in a crate or gated area (or another room) so if he finishes early or is tempted to come visit the table instead, you have a back-up management plan.

Finally, many dogs just aren't ready for visitors. This is the point where I want to remind you that your dog does not need to interact with visitors. There is no shame in forcing your dog to opt out of a situation that is highly likely to be difficult.

It doesn't matter how much your family tries to guilt you. You know your dog best. You don't owe anyone anything, including explanation.

If your dog is nervous of people, this is not the time to try to socialize him! Use management. Exercise him before everyone arrives, then have him in another room that family members can't access with a delicious stuffed toy, white noise, and a plan to work on this another time.

So Mom/Dad... a huge heartfelt thank you. I may not be the dog you expected to raise but I hope I can be the dog you need. 
I love you. I appreciate you.
​Thank you 🐾

Love and licks 💕
Your SHYning star

I remember growing up with my Doberman as a kid and constantly being growled at over a bone, yet still taking it from her - and having to chase her across Main St because the contractor left the fence open (true story - socks and all. Good thing she started stalking a rabbit). 

She ate socks and got yelled at by the parrot about it. 

"Sheba. Drop it. Sheba, droooop it. Drop it Sheba!"

No joke. And Sheba ALWAYS had something when the Parrot yelled at her. The Parrot was quite the tattle-tale.

Share it with us over in the Pup Parents Group on Facebook! ​

or head over to the Membership or Courses if you're ready to dig in even further!